So, its time. Time to get back on that horse and take dating for another ride. It's hard when you're out of school, work for your parents, have mostly married or soon to be married friends, and basically don't have an easy way to meet new people. At first I was dragging my feet, but I decided to go back to online dating at least to get my feet wet.
The
DAY I reactivated my JDate profile, I had 2 new messages from A. an ex boyfriend and B. a guy I went out with once or twice, years ago (some of you may remember him as "cat boy"..it's a story). I became pretty discouraged about this. After THREE years of being off of this site, it seems like it's the same guys all over again. Since then, I have had other guys show interest in my profile and we'll see where that goes. It's frustrating though because there are a lot of guys on these sites that are on there for what I think is "the wrong reason"--to be the ultimate "playa." I feel that with my previous experience of online dating, despite a 3 year hiatus, I am pretty good at picking out those men who are just looking for the next fling.
Exhibit A:
I received an instant message from a 30-something lawyer in the Chicago area. When we talked about what we're hoping to find on the website, he started with "I don't know. I'm kinda open to whatever" (warning #1) followed by emphatically stating how he does not feel a huge need to be in a relationship (warning #2). After that, he became obsessed with the fact that I had just broken up with the ex 5 months ago, had not been on a date since, or...ya know... since. Apparently, this was a HUGE turn on for him (warning #3). Finally, when we DID chat on the phone, I was talking about what I do for fun, asking how his day was...his question...."What are you wearing to bed?" (WARNING WARNING), I finally told him that though I'm not looking to jump into a relationship right away, I'm also not looking for a fling. I even quoted the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, and stated "no sex before monogamy." He chuckled and swore that he wasn't just looking for a fling. I felt ok, but guarded when we hung up the phone. To no surprise at all, the guy who texted/IMd me daily for a week, has yet to call since this conversation.
Single Emily of days past would have been really upset, wondering what was wrong with
her that he hasn't called her again, thinking
she did something wrong. Single Emily of 2011 couldn't care less about this guy. It's not something I did wrong. It's actually something I did
right! I keep in the front of my head what
I want out of dating (online or otherwise) instead of how do I keep him interested. The truth is, if I would have done whatever it took to meet this guy, I would have felt uncomfortable for compromising my beliefs and values...and it DEFINITELY would not have lasted since he and I are looking for two very different things.
With a good head on my shoulders and focus of what I want out of life, out of my significant other, Single Emily of 2011 will have a much better dating experience this time around. (fingers crossed!)
Preview for my next blog....top 10 turn offs seen on online dating profiles :)
